Financial infidelity 8 signs you might have a problem

Financial infidelity 8 signs you might have a problemFinancial infidelity 8 signs you might have a problemFinancial infidelityis a major problem in marriages. Today Im landseeing mora and more couples with separate bank accounts and keeping their finances completely separate. There are a few reasons you might want to do this, but most couples should be combining finances.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreFirst, Ill share which couples qualify for keeping finances separate.Reasons for Married Couples to Keep Finances SeparateI wrote acase for keeping separate bank accountson Rockstar Finance last year. In the article, I shared six reasons that couples might want to have individual bank accounts and split the bills.1. You have a blended familyIf youre remarried and have children from a previous marriage, chances are youre responsible for carrying a term life insurance policy in a sp ecified amount with your ex as the beneficiary (for the benefit of your children). This can get tricky when you have more kids with your new spouse splitting beneficiaries. You might want to have separate policies for each.2. Youve been through a nasty divorce (or more than one)Both my husband and I have parents who have collectively been married (and divorced) 15 times. 5 marriages for my mom, 2 marriages for my dad, 3 marriages for his mom, and 5 marriages for his dad. Sometimes, youve just gotta protect yourself in case of financial infidelity or other issues.In this case, I recommend having a joint bank account for bills and keeping separate bank accounts for the rest of your expenses. If youre looking for a great high yield savings account thatll earn you more interest than a local bank, heres my favoritehigh interest savings account3. One spouse is a major spenderIf your spouse has a tendency to empty the bank account every payday, you might want to keep finances separate and offer him or her a weekly allowance or fun money (and no debit card). Why no debit card, you ask? Because emotionally, plastic is easier to swipe and spend than handing over a $50 bill.4. You or your spouse has an addictive personalityDo you keep cash out of your paycheck every week to play slots or buy scratch offs? Are you an alcoholic? What about a recovering alcoholic or addict? Who here likes to shop more than he or she should? By keeping separate bank accounts, youre protecting your bill money. Again, you can still have a joint account where the bills are paid (with no debit cards) and have a separate account for your fun money. But when its gone, its gone. No dipping into the bill account for your bad habits5. Youve received an inheritance or are a self-made millionaireA prenup is always a good idea when you are entering a marriage with a good amount of money. You might want to consider having separate finances if this is the case. Ive seen too many couples where one spouse e mptied the bank accounts and opened new accounts before filing for divorce with no recourse. Joint accounts are joint ownership. This means that all parties technically own the money in the account. Consult an attorney if you have questions.6. You have any reason not to trust your spouseInfidelity comes in several different forms. If your spouse is a cheater by nature, keep your finances separate. Youve got toprotect yourself financially in case of a divorce.You canopen a high-yield savings accountwith $100 to start. Out of sight, out of mindNow that weve discussed why you might want to keep your finances separate, lets address the issue of hiding money from your spouse in marriage.8 signs of financial infidelity1. You dont know how much your spouse really earnsYou think you know how much your spouse makes? Do you see his or her paycheck stub? Do they communicate with you about raises and bonuses? Do you know the exact amount of net income each pay period? What about how much theyre contributing to retirement? These are all important questions to ask. If you cant answer these, its time to sit down with your spouse.2. He keeps a large portion out of his paychecks and you have no idea where it goesMy ex-husband used to do this. Hed take his paycheck to the bank every week and keep a large portion (were talking hundreds) out for himself. He ate fast food, drank a lot of beer, and smoked a lot of cigarettes. Notice I said this was myex-husband. Financial infidelity can destroy marriages.3. Youve recently found a leistungspunkt card statement for an account you didnt know existedDoes your spouse have credit cards that you dont know about? Why so secretive with the purchases? Many cheating spouses open additional credit cards so that they can hide money spent on the other woman (or man).4. Money has gone missingIf youve noticed money missing from your savings accounts (or checking account), your spouse might be unfaithfully hiding something from you. Take inventory of your accountsat leastonce a month. Make sure everything is accounted for, and if its not, address it immediately. Communication is key.5. Youve been removed from joint credit card accountsCredit cards give the option of adding authorized signers. If youve been alerted that you recently closed an account or your credit utilization ratio increased, your spouse may have dropped you. You can get a copy of your credit report from Experian or Transunion. You can get all three for free once per year atannualcreditreport.com.6. You remove tags from clothing to make it look like its always been in the closetHave you ever done this? Be honest If youre removing tags from clothing so you dont get caught, yourecommitting financial infidelity.Its okay to treat yourself once in awhile, but when you start having to hide it, youve got deeper issues.7. Your spouse gets deckung when you bring up moneyDo the walls go up when you start asking questions about money? When you bring up specific purchase s, does he try to change the subject or make jokes? These are major red flags8. You cant have the passwords to his computer, let alone his online bankingListen, when you got married, you gaveallof yourself to another person. That means you each get unrestricted access (at least visibly) to the bank accounts. If you dont have this ability, its time for a come to Jesus meeting.Financial infidelity in marriageis a scary topic. No one wants to face the fact that their spouse could be lying by omission, spending on things he or she shouldnt, and keeping secrets. But if you see signs above and are wondering if there are things you dont know about your financial situation, sit down with your spouse and talk about it. Heres howTalking about money with a defensive spouseIf money talks always end in fights, theres a gentle way to ease into the conversation. Start out by saying, Honey, I am so tired of being broke all the time. And I know you must be, too. Maybe we should sit down together and combine forces to see where we really stand so we can tackle this thing head-onBy coming from a collaborative standpoint instead of an accusatory one, your spouse is likely to be more receptive to talk. He may be itching to come clean about some of the issues that have been plaguing him.Money and marriage next stepsMoney used to be a taboo subject. So many people didnt discuss money, income, finances, etc and now a simple google search for income reports yields actual income earned. When you decide to have your first money and marriage meeting, discuss the followingBring paycheck stubs. You show me yours and Ill show you mineBring all the bills and expenses to the table. Nothing goes unnoticedBring bank statements and a highlighter. Highlight fast food and convenience store purchases. How much money is each of you throwing away every week?List debts owed, smallest balance to largest and make a plan topay it all offusing thedebt snowball or debt avalanche method.Remember your vows. Honor one another and the promise you made to care for one another, til death do we part.This article first appeared on Melissablevins.com .You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people